All kids are asking two simple but profound questions:
1. “Am I really, really loved?”
2. “Can I get my own way without cost?”
How MUST we answer them? The first question: “Am I really, really loved?” must be answered YES!! A resounding “Yes, you are loved unconditionally – no matter what!”
How are we to get that message conveyed most clearly from our hearts to theirs? Dr. Ross Campbell in his book How To Really Love Your child, speaks of children having an “emotional tank” – I like to call it a “love tank.” There are three primary ways of filling up that love tank:
• Eye contact – at eye level
• Physical affection
• Focused attention
Dr. John Trent writes in a similar vein in his book The Blessing, of five ways to bless our children and fill up their love tanks:
• Appropriate physical and meaningful touch
• Spoken message
• Attaching high value
• Picturing a special future
• Demonstrating genuine commitment
The Second question is: “Can I get my own way without cost?” The answer to this question must be a resounding: “No! Noone can do whatever they want, when they want to, without the likelihood of it costing greatly!” We must teach, model, and train them to understand this. Furthermore, we must understand what is the role of DISCIPLINE: “Training our children about real life, through the practice of drawing clear concentric circles around a child that when crossed are certain to bring undesirable consequences in a consistent, loving, and matter of fact manner.” Re-read that carefully – virtually every word is very significant!
The purpose of discipline is to answer the above question – “No, you cannot get your own way without cost. You must think of others – even more than yourself or it will cost you dearly. You and/or others WILL get hurt if you only think of going your way!”
One final note: love without discipline will leave your children open to great pain in life – pain they cause themselves and others when they seek to do whatever they desire without counting the cost. On the other hand, disciplining your children without keeping their love tanks full will create angry, bitter children who will also hurt themselves and others as they recklessly lash out to all those around them. As parents we MUST answer both questions equally as well!
Thank you Jessica…good to hear the post made you think. To do relationships well, they indeed require that we put a whole lot more thought into them than we typically do!
What wonderful words of enueoragemcnt for every wife and mother staying home serving their husband, children, and God. So sad in today’s society women doing this are so often met with such discouragement. I love being a homemaker, but find it hard to find any sort of acceptance for this out in the world. Your blog is such a blessing!
I am thankful my blog was a blessing. Always good to hear of moms staying home and working in the greatest occupation ever – raising up the next generation! Good for you. May the Lord bless your every endeavor to raise your children to know and follow the King of Kings!